NACHO CHEESE/CRUNCHY TACO DORITOS LOCOS TACOS

6.15923/10

Since the widespread news that 2013 would see the release of the ultra-meta Nacho Cheese/Crunchy Taco Doritos Locos Tacos Doritos, hot on the heels of Taco Bell's new Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Taco, I've been awaiting the inevitable Chip Trip review. It's too ridiculous not to review, even if my Dorito enjoyment has been more casual as of late.

Anyway, to clear things up for the uninitiated, Doritos Locos Tacos Doritos are not homogeneous chips that taste like Doritos Locos Tacos, which are "traditional" Taco Bell silicone-beef crunchy tacos with a shell coated in Doritos Nacho Cheese flavoring. They are approximately half regular Nacho Cheese Doritos and half of a new flavor, Crunchy Taco. Apart from the fact that these chips carry the Taco Bell logo, it's the same concept as those pretty decent "Collisions" that were around a few years ago. Those were good, so this is a proven concept, rebranded to capture some demographic out there (probably mine). So it's safe, definitely guaranteed to taste decent, and chuckle-worthy enough to at least reach the cusp of going "viral." I appreciate the concept fully, I'd say.

And they taste really decent. The Crunchy Taco Doritos are probably at least partly covered in dried taco "beef" dust, as well as (Julia surmises) some hints of tomato, maybe a little sour cream, probably some cheese. Unfortunately, without the awesome greasy taco texture to distract you from what is probably something you shouldn't be ingesting, it's a little too thought-provoking for the ultimate lack of something (probably salt). I ended up relishing the Nacho Cheese chips whenever I found one and finding Crunchy Taco bland in comparison. Again, Nacho Cheese is a formidable chip with which to be "Collided," but the Frito-Lay think tank is clearly treading water here.

For the record, the proper implementation of this idea is having a rack of Doritos for sale at the cash register of a Taco Bell. You heard it here first.

BONUS JULIA SCORE: 5.5/10
"[Crunchy Taco Doritos] contaminate the Nacho Cheese in a nice way."

DORITOS JACKED SMOKY CHIPOTLE BBQ

6/10

Since my attention to The Chip Trip has lapsed, my love for Doritos has not waned; the intensity of my pursuit of new flavors, however, has. I've tried a variety of Doritos JACKED before, and although I don't remember if it was this flavor or another, I don't believe that JACKED in general is a good direction for these flavored chips to go in, especially in an age when EXTREME marketing is no longer novel or "cool" (I think). For one thing, in the history of Doritos, who has complained that they are too thin? Julia remarked that they feel "stale," and I think this is because these chips have suddenly just become huge, and there aren't the same little air bubbles in the chip to bite through. At first they don't look much bigger, but the crunch is a bit lower frequency-wise, and it's just not as satisfying.

Then there's the flavor. Obviously Doritos JACKED have to be up-front and in-your-face on the flavor front, and the lab geniuses over at Frito Lay are nothing if not adept at finding things that go well together. These things taste pretty good, until you realize that they taste like duller, much spicier Honey BBQ Fritos Flavor Twists (which are incredible, by the way) in chip form. That's a Frito-Lay product too. They're just trying to offload the same shit on fans of Doritos.

Past blog posts may have wistfully looked to the Doritos lab as a prime example of American creativity, but Doritos JACKED Smoky Chipotle BBQ have brought me back to Earth. These are just guys on salary mathematically combining chemicals and conducting focus groups. Anyway, I'm sure they can do better.

BONUS JULIA RATING: 4/10

SALSA RIO

8.5/10

Since I started THE CHIP TRIP, I've conditioned myself to become excited at the sight of a new Dorito variety. The introduction of a new flavor happens often enough that I routinely stop and imagine what something tastes like, whether the flavor seems to be shooting fish in a barrel (see: Spicy Nacho), or whether it's really pushing it (see Late Night All-Nighter Cheeseburger). Up until about a year ago, I always acted on the urge to try a new thing, with mostly excellent results, but as you can see from the state of this blog, I usually just push my cart onwards, failing to find the motivation to try "Pizza Supreme." I had observed that Frito-Lay resurrected the "original" Dorito packaging for "Original Taco," but I was completely blindsided by the two new "Limited Edition" flavors that followed, "Salsa Rio" and "Sour Cream and Onion." I daresay I went with the safer of the two, as I'm really not sure what to expect from Sour Cream and Onion tortilla chips, but hey, here I am again.

And I have to say, wow. When they're on, they're on. An 8.5 may not seem like the highest praise I can give, but these probably aren't the kind of Dorito you'd want every day (not that you should want any Dorito every day). That being said, the flavors here really stand out: it's spicy, sweet, and citrus-y in equal measurements. The proportions are perfect, as the spice is more of a pleasantly warm feeling in the back of the mouth than anything overpowering, and if anything really stands out, it's the lime. Frito-Lay's lime-flavored Tostitos are really good, so to see that flavor successfully incorporated into a Dorito is really a thing of beauty. What I'm finding even better, though, is that as I go through the bag, the chip's flavor morphs: the first five chips or so taste (and smell) just like Tostitos salsa, but as more are eaten, it just becomes warm and pleasantly salty (with perhaps a hint of cheese), while the lime's presence is never forgotten. Anyway, these were really solid, so get 'em while you can.

PIZZA SUPREME

7.5/10

Being a hungry guy, I decided to review the second bag of chips my friend Thom gave me a little ahead of schedule (?) despite having a sort of natural aversion to pizza-flavored Doritos. I chose these second for a reason, but much to my surprise, they ended up being more to my taste than Original Taco.

Unfortunately, my first meeting with Pizza Supreme wasn't too great. I opened up the bag and took a whiff, and I have to say, these smell pretty atrocious. Not quite as bad as cheeseburger, but definitely not a good smell. As such, I had to gather the courage to take the first bite, but when I did, I was pleased to note that they taste much better than they smell. The bad news there is that the taste is nothing special, even if it's pretty good. Like Original Taco, these have a rather mild taste to them, although I wouldn't expect my pizza to be spicy as I would my tacos. They have a nice hint of cheesiness to them, always the best thing in a good Dorito, but the non-taste of the corn chip seems to dominate proceedings here. Strangely, while I would feel somewhat comfortable bringing a big sack of Original Taco to a Doritos if the store had run out of Nacho Cheese, I'm not sure I could say the same about Pizza Supreme. There's a flavor in them that's difficult to place (tomato flakes?) that I could easily see rubbing someone the wrong way, and unfortunately, it's a pretty bland flavor apart from having something funny about it.

So that concludes this round of Dorito reviews; unfortunately, neither of the new flavors stand up to the classics because, honestly, they're just not flavorful enough. While I didn't always love their "degree" flavors, they were at least over-the-top enough to forgive if they weren't good. With both Original Taco and Pizza Supreme, I feel underwhelmed by Doritos for the first (and hopefully last) time.

OG TACO

7.0/10

So before I start, I'd like to do a shout-out to my man Thom, who hooked me up with this bag of Original Taco Doritos and another variety, Pizza Supreme, which I'll review later. As this is my first real Dorito review in about eleven months, I'll just say that it takes a lot to get me off my ass to do one of these things, but if you give me an unreviewed flavor, I'll still give it my best shot. Anyway, here goes:

When I look back, I somehow think that I've consumed Doritos on most of the July 4th I've been alive for. At any summer holiday party involving cookouts, someone always brings Doritos, usually either Nacho Cheese or, if they're a bit more adventurous, Cool Ranch. These two flavors absolutely work for parties, since they're not really very "bold"; in fact, they're pretty inoffensive. I still consider Nacho Cheese to be a great flavor, and I've never not enjoyed a few. Cool Ranch is also good, though I don't have the same bond with it, having grown up eating Nacho Cheese Doritos and little else. Since then, I've had all sorts (see the rest of this blog), and many of them, including the best flavors, i.e. Jalapeno Popper, Midnight Taco, and Cheesy Enchilada, build on that cheesiness, possibly adding sodium, maybe a hint of lime or cumin, and the all-important "SPICE" powder.

Though my favorite remains Jalapeno Popper, Midnight Taco is a great one, and as such, I found myself wondering how Original Taco would be. Well, the answer is, pretty underwhelming. It is in no way offensive, which is a plus, but it has none of that great cheesiness, it isn't that salty, and it doesn't have anything weird to really keep you guessing; in short, it's probably the most boring Dorito that I've seen, "Toasted Corn" Doritos excepted. And I'll be honest, these would be pretty good at a party, maybe even as good or better than Nacho Cheese--No saltiness to dry your mouth! No flavor assault to kill your hunger!--but man, we're still talking about the most adventurous brand of chips in American history. Midnight Taco probably tastes less like tacos than Original Taco, but it succeeds because it takes no prisoners and makes you focus on the flavor. Original Taco serves its purpose, I guess, but I still feel like there are better flavors to buy, regardless of your level of Dorito experience.

COMING SOON: PIZZA SUPREME REVIEW

HEY WORLD

Sorry this blog has kinda died. I've been busy with college and things that come with that. I know that's not really an excuse considering I've had plenty of time over the past seven months or so to write a review, but I honestly haven't been to many grocery stores, and I'm still suspicious of how "Pizza" Doritos would taste. Anyway, in the interest of all 5-10 people who have struck up conversations with me about it since I last posted, I'll just put a couple bullet points up:

• My friend Thom claims to have a few bags of Doritos from Guatemala and various other places he's visited that he picked up for me. If I ever end up seeing him (I'm trying, I swear!), I really will try to give them proper writeups for old times' sake.
• I have a newish blog full of stupid photos here. I will agree that it isn't nearly as good or interesting as this one, but that's about all I'm doing on the internet these days, apart from watching lots of soccer and stalking you on Facebook.
• Devoted Chip Trip follower and good friend Emilie Notsureifshewantsherfullnameontheinternet linked me to this article and I really wouldn't mind finding a bag of Fried Chicken Doritos, or a few of those Pizza-La flavors.

SPICE 2.0

8.5/10

So I went to Montreal a little less than two weeks ago and scored a few unique bags of Doritos to review back in my homeland. One of those, the second of three that I tried, was SPICE 2.0, and I must admit, these are very good. I guess the concept behind this flavor was that Doritos created a new flavor and had a contest wherein a (Canadian) person had to give the flavo(u)r a name and make a video promoting Doritos, with the person with the best video winning the contest and $100,000. You may have seen the commercial:



The bags that people "tasted" looked like this:



I wish I'd gotten my hands on that bag, but I didn't visit Canada at that time; oh well. My job here isn't to review the concept behind the name, which I think is sort of dumb anyway, so I'll just say that a guy named JEFF CHAN won. He is a professional video-maker and did a pretty good job, and hopes to start a business doing this. I guess he's going down the right path.

As for the flavor itself, it's very good. It's flavors like this that make it a decent bet that a new Dorito will be pretty solid- they tend to stick with what works. In this case, SPICE 2.0 reminds me of SPICY SWEET CHILI (a flavor not really available in Canada) to an extent, although minus most of the "sweet" and with more spice, emphasizing what was good about that flavor. The spice, however, is limited so that these don't turn into the SPICY NACHO wall of "spice"- they warm your mouth a little and that's it. My mouth feels nice eating these, and the aftertaste is somewhat mild for Doritos, which can only be described as a "good thing." They may have put a little more "BBQ" powder on these too, which I'm all for. Good good.

JALAPEÑO & CHEDDAR

9.5/10

Jalapeño & Cheddar is a flavor not to be found in New York; I had to go abroad for this one. With that said, it's not really a huge leap from Late Night Jalapeño Popper, which is also available here in Montreal. I was excited to eat these even before I opened the bag because Doritos does a good job with its jalapeño flavor, and, indeed, this was no exception.

The arm on the left side of the picture belongs to Julia, and she, an impartial "participant," agreed that these were very tasty. They're slightly less spicy/jalapeño-y and slightly more cheesy than Jalapeño Popper, but apart from that they are a minimal variation on two classics (the other being Nacho Cheese), which puts them in good stead. To say the least I am a fan. You can taste a hint of the jalapeño in what otherwise would probably taste like Nacho Cheese, and, like putting pepper or parmesan cheese on a slice of pizza, adds a little something which I rather enjoy. I have enjoyed sharing a big bag of these very much, and would buy again (in Montreal) if I don't feel like the "bold" awesomeness of Jalapeño Popper, which I maintain is the best flavor of Dorito.

With that noted, Julia and I have noticed that Quebec is devoid of both Blazin' Buffalo Ranch and Cool Ranch. Is "ranch" not something Canadians are familiar with/in love with? Does ranch occupy the same heart-area that those up north save for poutine? "Probably not."

Anyway, stay tuned, I have small bags of "Bold BBQ," which comes in the same color bag as Spicy Sweet Chili (US) and "Spice 2.0," which might be somewhat unpleasant. Oh well, sacrifice!

1ST DEGREE BURN: BLAZIN' JALAPEÑO

8.0/10

Well, I haven't really done a proper review of a new flavor in a couple of months, and it's really been bothering me lately. I guess it's been a combination of two things: the last two flavors I reviewed (2nd Degree Burn: Fiery Buffalo and Late Night Cheeseburger) were the two most revolting flavors I'd ever reviewed, and I've been extremely busy as of late. Anyway, whatever the true reason, it's been a while, and as such, when I saw these in a supermarket, I picked 'em up.

I will say that these are tasty. For some reason, Doritos' jalapeño flavor is incredible, and they put a lot of that flavoring into these chips. Late Night Jalapeño Popper is a flavor for the ages, so I'm pleasantly surprised that these follow in that vein, but are for the more "hardcore."

Because of my hunger when eating this bag, I actually have gotten through them pretty fast, so my analysis of these is a little rushed: the initial flavor is very good, but like the rest of their "spicy" flavors, the "spice" hits like a wall. Either my memory is hazy or this is actually the case, but the spice isn't quite as painful as it was with Fiery Buffalo, which obviously works in its favor. This is probably only this particular bag, but I notice an extra-strong corn taste too, which is actually a breath of fresh air. I may honestly go for these again.

SUBSIDIZED

Can you believe it's been TWO MONTHS? Yeah, probably, but I've been really busy and haven't had much money to sink into Doritos lately. Anyway, a while back I received THESE:

Those are three coupons for free Frito-Lay products. I thought it was because of that email I sent, but my associate Julia feels like it's more likely that they just send them to everyone who writes, which I'm inclined to believe. At the same time, I want to email them again to get three more coupons. I didn't get any chips to review with the coupons (though I meant to) because I ended up just bringing Doritos to parties. My bad.

Anyway, at some point in the near future, my boy Thom has a bag of Guatemalan "Queso Accelerando" Doritos that he brought back from Guatemala. He tells me he wasn't too impressed, but I'm gonna give those babies a fair taste. Anyway, hope that doesn't take all summer to do.

2ND DEGREE BURN: FIERY BUFFALO

4.5/10

After the review of Cheeseburger Doritos earlier this week, I thought I would be out of the game for a while. I initially gave those things a pretty decent score (I guess), but in the short period afterwards, I felt pretty bad, and for approximately the next 24 hours, the thought of eating more than I had (about 1/3 of the big bag) made me recall similarly bad feelings. They tasted all right, but in hindsight, they were just not good Doritos.

However, I walked into a gas station today and saw these babies. I had not heard of them before, and the package looked somewhat different from "normal" or "Late Night" Doritos, so I paid a dollar for them without a second thought. I never even drew a parallel between 2nd Degree Burn: Fiery Buffalo and Fiery Habanero, which I had a pretty unpleasant experience with a few posts back.

Anyway, I'm about ten chips in right now. My nose is running like it was with Fiery Habanero, but this time even the initial taste isn't very good. Unfortunately, it doesn't taste anything like the awesome Blazin' Buffalo; if anything, it tastes like Spicy Sweet Chili. Then the spice hits and it's just a wall of "spice." I do not recommend these, although at some point I'm interested to see if they similarly botched "1st Degree Burn: Blazin' Jalapeno."

LAME

Hi,

Thank you for writing to us. As great as that sounds Jack, we don't usually release product news before it hits the shelves. But thank you for thinking of Doritos!

Snack On!

Best regards,

Tina

Someone please tell them that I AM THE BEST!

LATE NIGHT ALL-NIGHTER CHEESEBURGER

4.7/10

Honestly, I'm surprised I got a chance to review this flavor at all. I'd never seen a bag with my own eyes before yesterday in the city at a supermarket I visit somewhat regularly. I knew that this flavor was (at one point) Mystery Flavor X-13D, and that they decided to sell it full-time, but I didn't think such a thing existed in this state. A loyal reader in Philadelphia sent me a picture of a bag she had acquired about a month ago and this did little but fuel the fire, so I was stoked beyond belief when I was walking out of the store clutching a bag. This was a Chip Trip for the ages.

Anyway, I held off on cracking open the bag so I could do a proper review at home, and here I am 24 hours later munching away. They've grown on me, but it was a HUGE shock to my taste buds at first. I suppose I hadn't really thought through how a Cheeseburger Dorito should taste; there are a million ways regular cheeseburgers taste, so what is this being modeled on?

Turns out it's based on those dollar cheeseburgers you get at McDonald's (trademark). I say McDonald's (trademark) specifically because there is a distinct pickle/mustard/ketchup taste, in addition to the bun, burger, and cheese, which are nondescript so I don't think I can even really pick them out on an actual McD's burger.

I get the feeling that labeling a Dorito flavor as "late night" is supposed to indicate that it's one of the bolder flavors, or maybe that cheeseburgers, like jalapeno poppers and tacos, are something commonly eaten in the wee hours. I've yet to familiarize myself with the very complex world of the Doritos marketing team, so all I'm going to say is that neither these nor Tacos at Midnight are as "bold" as, say, Blazin' Buffalo Ranch or Nacho Cheese, or even (the yet-to-be-reviewed) Cool Ranch. In order to fully get the flavor you have to eat a few of these in quick succession, which, unfortunately, encourages me (and probably you) to wolf down half a bag of these without really realizing what's up.

Anyway, what my opinion of Cheeseburger Doritos comes down to is, essentially, what I think of McDonald's (trademark) cheeseburgers, and what I think of throwing whatever that is on a tortilla chip. These Doritos, much like regular McD's cheeseburgers, are somewhat inoffensive, but I could see having some of these every so often, much like their burger counterpart. In chip form these may or may not be moderately better for you, but I'm actually going to give points, since filling a bowl with these babies is a lot easier than laying out a platter of pre-made cheeseburgers in the heat of your daughter's graduation party. However, if you do make burgers at that, 1.) invite me over and 2.) stick with the Nacho Cheese.

UPDATE: I lowered the score for these from a 7.1 to a 4.7. I felt awful after eating these, and the mere thought of them made me feel queasy for a day or so afterwards. Ick.

AN OPEN LETTER

Hello, I'm a huge Dorito enthusiast, and I started a blog a few months ago wherein I review every flavor of Dorito I can find. The blog is located at http://thechiptrip.blogspot.com/. Anyway, I was wondering what new flavors are poised to hit the market, and if I could possibly sample some of these flavors, or some flavors that are not local to the New York area, for review. Any help would be hugely appreciated!

It's been called to my attention a few times recently that I need to start reviewing Doritos again, and I apologize. While I remain alive, I have not had a lot of money lately, and I've been extremely busy with school and music and things like that. That being said, my passion for Doritos remains strong, and I am very proud to "announce" that yesterday I was fortunate enough to stumble upon a bag of LATE NIGHT CHEESEBURGER Doritos. I purchased them and brought them upstate with me, so I hope to review them within the next day or so. Can't hardly wait...

COLLISIONS: CHEESY ENCHILADA & SOUR CREAM

9.0/10

I have a certain set of self-imposed "duties" on Wednesday evenings. I have a "radio" show, and a few hours after that, I go play four square. Today I dragged my housemate (and friend!) Lotte along, and she ended up having a good time. As we were driving home, she suggested the prospect of a Chip Trip. Me being me, I could not refuse such an offer, so we went to the Mobil and each got a 99-cent bag of Cheesy Enchilada & Sour Cream chips, something I'd never tried, and a variety I've never seen in a bigger bag.

I got home and opened the bag, and had the slight misfortune of starting with what I assume is "sour cream." The chip was lighter, and the fundamental flaw of a sour cream-flavored Dorito immediately became apparent: sour cream tastes good with lots and lots of things, but on its own it's a weird flavor to experience. I usually eat Doritos one at a time, so while eating a Sour Cream Dorito isn't exactly the same as licking some sour cream, it doesn't really have a strong enough flavor to stand on its own. Cheesy Enchilada Doritos, however, are actually bursting with a cheesiness of a sort not exactly found in Nacho Cheese Doritos or their clones. These things are delicious.

As I wrote this blog, it occurred to me that perhaps Sour Cream and Cheesy Enchilada Doritos are intended to be eaten two at a time. I promptly picked two out and ate them. Sure enough, there is actually a degree of complementation here. In a weird way, the Sour Cream Dorito actually does have a "creaminess," so the intensity of the Cheesy Enchilada is spread out over the palate to a slightly higher degree. There is also a hint of spice to the Enchilada, which sits well with what is, for Doritos, an exceptionally pleasant aftertaste. It's always nice to discover a new flavor in the upper echelon of Doritodom, and Doritos Collisions: Cheesy Enchilada & Sour Cream has truly earned its place.

SPICY NACHO

7.8/10

I picked up a "fun size" bag of Spicy Nacho Doritos from a Super Bowl event my college was holding because I had never seen them before. Either my memory is hazy or I really have not seen a larger bag of these anywhere else, so I stowed them in my bag, making a mental note to write this review. Well, it's after midnight, I've just finished a marathon homework session and I'm a bit peckish, so I'm chowing down.

Spicy Nacho is an oddity among Dorito flavors. Normally Doritos are not given overt links to one another, but the entire concept of "Spicy Nacho" screams, "Homage to Nacho Cheese!" The bag is slightly darker, I guess to indicate a "bolder" flavor, and I would have to guess that the fire symbolizes the spice.

The chips themselves look exactly like Nacho Cheese, which is to be expected. Mild, medium, and hot salsas made by Tostitos all look the same, and while I tend to prefer hotter salsa, my Spicy Nacho experience again adheres to my unofficial rule that the less-spicy Doritos tend to have more flavor and be a more pleasant chip to munch on. When these babies first hit the taste buds, they taste exactly like Nacho Cheese, but soon the spice sets in, washing away the cheese and replacing it with the ever-looming "spice." If memory serves, the Nacho Cheese taste in regular Nacho Cheese lingers longer, and it's a good taste. As such, I'm going to give Spicy Nacho a slightly lower score than Nacho Cheese. The spice, unlike that of Fiery Habanero, isn't overpowering, so this is not a bad Dorito at all, and I would not turn down an opportunity to eat another Fun Size bag of these, but the bottom line is that they are not the best out there. When you follow in the footsteps of greatness, you're just asking for it.

SUPER BOWL

I'm sitting in the Campus Center here at BARD COLLEGE and would just like to say that I am 100% behind the fact that Doritos is the main sponsor of this hallowed game. Most of the people here are Saints fans and I'm personally wanting the Colts to win, but whoever comes out on top, Doritos are forever.

I picked up a bag of Spicy Nacho that I'm going to review later. The Who are playing but they're not really the Who so whatever. Their light show is cool though. Anyway, this is about the Doritos, not football or music. VERY EXCITED.

SPICY SWEET CHILI

4/10

In all my years, I have experienced several flavors of chili, based mainly about the cut and type of meat being used. Mostly, though, chili is universally tomato-based, spicy, and, with any luck, delicious. One thing I have never, ever tasted in chili, though is distinctive sweet.

In my quest to review all flavors of Dorito, I knew that I would run up against Spicy Sweet Chili sooner or later. I've had it before today, from a big bag, and I remembered being somewhat displeased/unable to finish the bag. Knowing this, I purchased one of the single-serving bags and brought it home to try out in an "academic" environment, which was a good choice, because I was absolutely starving.

Anyway, back to the chili: sweet has never really been a part of what I would refer to as "conventional chili." Doritos, however, have never been known to follow the pack, and so it goes with "Spicy Sweet Chili," which is definitely a departure from the Nacho Cheese-based Dorito flavors that commonly flood the grocery store. It doesn't taste anything like Cool Ranch, either, making this an extreme oddity in the Dorito world. You could hand me one of these and I could taste it, without looking first, and easily point out its Spicy Sweet Chili-ness. You could too.

The problem is that, while original (and not tasting a bit like chili), Spicy Sweet Chili doesn't really deliver. It has some heat to it, but the fact of the matter is, you're eating a sweet corn chip. I've seen that work in salsa a few times, but with Doritos, Frito-Lay takes on the challenge of putting all the flavor in the bag with the chips, so the lack of freshness here takes away the pleasant sweetness you would get from, say, peach salsa and replaces it with a type of sweetness that's impossible to place a finger on. True, other flavors definitely have a cheesiness that's impossible to place a finger on, but that's cool, because cheese and starch will always, always go together, whereas when you get into the sweet zone, you have to tread carefully. I feel kind of gross when I'm eating these because it makes my mouth feel really dry and weird, and the aftertaste is nothing special either.

I applaud Frito-Lay for the effort clearly put into making Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos edible at all, but this seems to have been one project that was doomed from the start.

NACHO CHEESE

8.5/10

It's tough reviewing Nacho Cheese Doritos. They're the standard against which all other Doritos must be measured, simply because they're the standard. I feel like Doritos has so much room to experiment with new flavors because they always have faithful ol' Nacho Cheese moving major units. These things are at every birthday and graduation party in some form; indeed, they have completely permeated our culture. Because of this, when I review Nacho Cheese Doritos, I'm not just confronting a chip, but a lifestyle.

It's not just that, though. These are the Doritos that got me into Doritos, and I think they're really the gateway drug for anybody partial to flavored tortilla chips. They're Frito-Lay's "flagship" Dorito, and with good reason: every more-recent flavor seems to be tied in some way to the flavor precedent laid down by the architects of Nacho Cheese. The taste is completely inoffensive while remaining completely flavorful: not a hint of spice, and the cheese doesn't really even taste like that really fake cheese sauce that comes on nachos at bowling alleys and other places like that. It smells exactly like it tastes, and, funny enough, Jalapeno Popper smells extremely similar.

So is it good? Nacho Cheese is a very, very good Dorito. It's been improved upon, but its role as the blueprint of all that was to come cannot be denied, so I would call it a "classic." It's extremely salty, even saltier than most other Doritos, which are all very salty, so I would possibly score that against Nacho Cheese, but its reputation remains untarnished since that time it got plugged on Wayne's World. Case closed.

Shaaaaaaa-wing!

BLAZIN' BUFFALO & RANCH

9.4/10

I'd had these once before in the wild days before I experienced Jalapeno Popper Doritos and remember thinking that they were good, but unexceptional. The IGA I visited didn't have a huge variety, so it was either this, Nacho Cheese, Cool Ranch, or some other flavor, possibly Spicy Sweet Chili. My friend Dan chose Blazin' Buffalo & Ranch because he had had them and liked them at my house before. I agreed, thinking Nacho Cheese and Cool Ranch were a bit too standard, and recalling that Spicy Sweet Chili tastes like the aftermath of eating four popsicles and then puking (and I will review it eventually to make sure that's how it is-- in reality it's probably better).

Anyway, I broke open the bag and grabbed a few and ate one, and was completely blindsided by how good Blazin' Buffalo & Ranch is. It has a touch of spice to it without allowing spiciness to take over the complex flavors to be found in a good Dorito, and this certainly was a good Dorito. I feel like combining two flavors in one Dorito ("Blazin' Buffalo" and "Ranch") could be a pitfall in the hands of lesser chip architects, but I picked up on both "Buffalo" and "Ranch," which is all the more interesting because the inferior of Doritos' two flagships, Cool Ranch, tastes very little like Ranch. The "Ranch" contained in these chips really did taste like the dressing people drown their salads in because they can't stand vegetables, which is what I think of when I think "Ranch." The "Blazin' Buffalo" is not exactly "Blazin'," but after the slight disappointment of "Fiery Habanero," I was pretty okay with my mouth not being on fire.

The bottom line is that Blazin' Buffalo & Ranch will probably become my fallback whenever some poor store isn't carrying Jalapeno Popper, or when I'm simply Poppered out. This is another prime example of why Doritos remain on the cutting edge of flavored tortilla chips: the balance of Blazin' Buffalo & Ranch really works and makes it an above-average Dorito.

I didn't do what I normally do with a good bag of Doritos, which is eat them until they're gone. I offered them up to other people and they accepted repeatedly, so by the time I went back for more after my initial ten or so handfuls and dinner, they were all gone; it goes without saying that reviews from my peers of this variety were universally positive. A very, very solid Dorito.